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on our sexuality/gender as a system
Jun. 11th, 2024 12:27 amI think at this point for us trying to settle on one or even a couple set labels for the entire system is impossible. We've used many labels and variants of them at this point and from so much stress and frustration coming from that we've accepted that trying to encapsulate 15~ people's whole emotions and feelings just is not going to work. I know there's some labels out there that have definitions like "my sexuality is complicated due to being a system" and the like and yeah that works well enough for when we have to have a "collective identity". its just becoming less and less reasonable to all try labelling us as a singular entity with shared thoughts and all that.
Thing is, we have also tried figureing out individual identities, and that also came with some stress because we often blur together and the way we front somewhat requires some level of blurring, where our ability to differentiate who's feeling something is pretty hard to do. Its definetly easier to find labels for ourselves that we don't have to try and apply system-wide, but I still get stressed out -_- and several others of us do aswell. We also occasionally have the issue of some of us having sources and memories associated with source that sometimes don't align with our current selves, just because we were one sexuality/gender in source and remember being that, doesn't always mean we'll stay that way in this body. Its worse when we have memories/strong lingering feelings about someone from source that is not a gender we'd find attractive or want to date if we met them now or have multiple sources that are/were different genders.
There is also an extra layer of confusion added to it for myself specifically, because I'm part of a sisasystem ,kinda a subsystem but also not exactly. Being a sisasystem I am very closely connected to others where sometimes its even harder for us to tell eachother apart than usual and we are way more likely to blur and temporarily fuse together. Technically two of us are writing this but right now we're so close its easier to just say "I". its real hard to figure out whats up with us at any given moment, I've said I'm ace, gay, bi, achillian, homoromantic bisexual, biromantic homosexual, and a whole cluster of niche labels, none of them work fully for even me as a sisasystem OR as an 'individual', because well, its almost impossible to discern where "I" end and someone else starts.
The main solution to this has been: abandon labels for the most part and just do whatever feels right at that moment. and so far thats been a lot less stressful.
-Toby & Tobias
Thing is, we have also tried figureing out individual identities, and that also came with some stress because we often blur together and the way we front somewhat requires some level of blurring, where our ability to differentiate who's feeling something is pretty hard to do. Its definetly easier to find labels for ourselves that we don't have to try and apply system-wide, but I still get stressed out -_- and several others of us do aswell. We also occasionally have the issue of some of us having sources and memories associated with source that sometimes don't align with our current selves, just because we were one sexuality/gender in source and remember being that, doesn't always mean we'll stay that way in this body. Its worse when we have memories/strong lingering feelings about someone from source that is not a gender we'd find attractive or want to date if we met them now or have multiple sources that are/were different genders.
There is also an extra layer of confusion added to it for myself specifically, because I'm part of a sisasystem ,kinda a subsystem but also not exactly. Being a sisasystem I am very closely connected to others where sometimes its even harder for us to tell eachother apart than usual and we are way more likely to blur and temporarily fuse together. Technically two of us are writing this but right now we're so close its easier to just say "I". its real hard to figure out whats up with us at any given moment, I've said I'm ace, gay, bi, achillian, homoromantic bisexual, biromantic homosexual, and a whole cluster of niche labels, none of them work fully for even me as a sisasystem OR as an 'individual', because well, its almost impossible to discern where "I" end and someone else starts.
The main solution to this has been: abandon labels for the most part and just do whatever feels right at that moment. and so far thats been a lot less stressful.
-Toby & Tobias
